So today at work I got this talking-to (well…actually, I instigated it, but whatever) that wound up being about my demeanor. "Sometimes you're upset" was what the boss lady had to say to me. That's it. Just, sometimes I'm upset. And that this is a serious problem that needs correcting.

I have to be bubbles and sunshine all day, every day when I'm at work apparently. If someone asks me "How you doing?" (I want to jam a fork in their eye when they ask me that, by the way, but I digress) and I reply "Oh, same as usual," that's not good enough because I'm not being happy. You have to be happy and bubbly and having a great day every day!! Which is BULLSHIT. Last I checked, I'm still a human being for fuck's sake. Human beings have emotions, and human beings have good days and bad days. And maybe I'm not the happiest person in the world, and maybe I do have more bad days than good, but why do I have to cover up the truth when someone straight up asks me? "Hide how you feel," boss lady says. Coworkers do it all the time, and they're better at their jobs than you.

So we've moved from "You're not important" to "You suck at your job." And actually, yes, this is an improvement, because one's in my control and one isn't. But fuck, I hate this fucking job, and I'm gonna hate it all the more having to have a plastered-on shiteating grin all day every day. It's just not honest. It's just not me.

Is it terrible when you go to a store or something and the person behind the counter isn't jumping for joy every second? I mean, sure, I wish I could feel that way, but I flat out don't. I wish I could leave this piece of crap job. Bitching helps, though.

Get a new job…if only it were that simple. Even if it were that simple, I'm not likely to find anything that pays as good as the job I have.

But anyway, I really just needed to vent. I know my job sucks.