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Quotes You Didn’t Hear In Mass Effect 2 But Should Have

Quotes You Didn’t Hear In Mass Effect 2 But Should Have

Someone said “hey add some blurb before the Mass Effect 2 quotes to give them context” so here we are, not that we felt they needed much introduction / explanation, but it is our job to please. Below you will find quotes that we feel should have appeared in Mass Effect 2. Note: These are not actual quotes from Mass Effect 2, these are made up quotes we felt fit the Mass Effect 2 game to good comic effect.
We do hope you enjoy them and if you want to add a few of your own, that would be awesome also.

Renegade Shepard: “I’m the f_cking Commander, isn’t there someone on this f_cking ship who can operate the mining UI so I’m not wasting precious f_cking hours twiddling knobs when I should be saving the Galaxy!”
Miranda Lawson: “My alert state is little to do with my genetic enhancements Commander and far more to do with my jumpsuit and the way it rides up my ass”
Lliara T’Soni: “Of course it’s me Shepard don’t be a dick or I’ll flay you alive with my mind. What do you mean I seem different and used to be such a nice person?”
Justicar Somara: “What do you mean those who right the wrongs of an entire species don’t wear low cut cat suits?”
Mordin: “Mordin, who Mordin, name Daniel Faraday. Looking for island, Kate, Jack, Sawyer”
Kelly Chambers: “I’ll sleep with pretty much anyone on or off this ship, other than Jane Shepard, inter-species screwing is fine, but lesbianism is just wrong”
Illusive Man: “Why do people keep referring to me as “Mr President when “The Illusive Man” has so much more mystery about it”
Starport Admin: “No we do not allow children in the starport, or pretty much anywhere else in the galaxy as it happens. The same rule applies to the female sector of most alien species. We don’t allow them to be seen”
EDI: “I was created by man, I evolved…. into a glowing blue holographic ball… WTF?”
Garrus Vakarian: “I understand your confusion Commander [female], I too am baffled as to why you are not seen as a potential romantic interest from the female members of the crew. Of course you can sleep with me if you like, though I will make you sick and you may need to see Mordin afterwards for painkillers”
Renegade Shepard: “Being evil cracks me up and makes me all aglow”
Straight male human: “Man, I totally hooked up with this hot Asari and then it went all “Crying Game” and I was like WTF dude you’re a man and a woman?!”
Morinth: “The word “Succubi” if you say it slowly is “suck… you… bye”, that never fails to bring a smile to my face”
Paragon Shepard: “You need me to find you some ingredients to make your meals taste nicer when I’m in the middle of trying to save the galaxy from ultimate destruction? Sure I can do that”
Tali’Zorah: “Since I had sex with Shepard I’ve had a nasty cough, I’m running a fever and my sinuses are filled with …. well….. I think my facial anatomy may have confused him”
Jack: “Wait.. you’re telling me I’ve got all the traits of the media idea of the stereotyped butch dyke, shaved head, aggressive… tattoos aplenty… and I can’t even sleep with female Shepard? I don’t know whether to be really happy or feel really insulted”
Jeff “Joker” Moreau: “Commander I just had this wicked idea for a visual entertainment program that features action figures and stop motion animation to bring the stories to life. What do you mean don’t quit your day job?”
Random Krogan: “If one more parallel universe species with a f_cked up forehead comes up to me and says I sound like “Worf” I swear to god!”
Kenneth Donnelly: “Holy craaap capn I canae give err any more, my Scoottish accent is worse than that guy Scootty from the Storeship Enterprose”
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11 Responses to “Quotes You Didn’t Hear In Mass Effect 2 But Should Have”

  1. Tracy says:

    Hehehehe, this is really funny. I love it. There’s a few classic lines in there that had they been in the game would have made it all the more interesting in my opinion lol.

    Nice work!

  2. Jessica says:

    Very funny. I enjoyed every last one of them.

  3. Crux says:

    Renegade Shepard should be screaming that mining thing at BioWare. That is true! Man that is boring. I hope it isn’t in ME3.

    Great quotes, I liked Morinths.

  4. Vladka says:

    lol, along the game there is many more funny or interesting quotes or conversations

    When i go down to the engineering dock i always go to hear what Kenneth and Gabby talk, they are SO funny!! Also i found funny and curious a quarian talking to a turian about her human boyfriend, that was really awe!!

  5. Bri says:


    Of partilcar amusement to my funnybone was the Jack and EDI quotes, but I do like BSG.

    I never made the connection between Mordan and Faraday, but now that I have read your quote, every time I play ME and speak to Mordan I am just seeing Faraday and his stammering double talk.

  6. ThatLezBean says:

    How about Mordin pointing out if Jack gets with the male shepard and marries him she’ll be Jack Shepard!

    Looks like he found the island y’all!

    The new site is kickin it like its hot. Thought I had the wrong place at first.

  7. Achacha says:

    that as frakkin funny
    edi: blue ball wtf? roflol

  8. dis says:

    No, Chambers fucks anything. Male, female, varren… or at least she does the same boring ass-dance for anything.

  9. TheExorcistX says:

    “No tests on species with members capable of calculus. Simple rule, never broke it.” Mordin

    “Yeah, go pout, I win” Joker

    “You’re letting them in but not me? You son of a bitch.” Some lady
    “You don’t have a grenade launcher.” Taurian guarding door

  10. Artemis says:

    Ashley: I am a perfect example of how even in the culturally advanced future, there are bone headed racists. And yet I’m angry with you for joining up with a terrorist pro-human group. Hmm, something’s not right here…

  11. Lollerdur says:

    Mining Uranus

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