Posted by Miss Ann Thropic
Vagina Gamerlogues Act 6 – Men Are From Mars Women Need A Penis

Vagina Gamerlogues Act 6 – Men Are From Mars Women Need A Penis

ADULT CONTENT: The Vagina Gamerlogues were an instant hit when they first appeared on the internet way back in 2003. The original writer (now contributing to Lesbian Gamers) has given permissions for these acerbic / insightful articles–about female gaming–to be published at Lesbian Gamers. We’re pleased to say she will also be writing additional Vagina Gamerlogues with a lesbian slant especially for us.

What is it like to be a lesbian / female gamer in the world of video games? This question and others are examined and spat out in a tongue in cheek manner by our very own Miss Ann Thropic (yes writer of our article Video Gaming Tips for Lesbians).

ACT 6 – Men Are From Mars Women Need A Penis was originally written around early 2007 and looks at how socialization doesn’t aid the female gamer in any manner. Social norms work against the female gamer in a manner that is destructive.


Socialisation is a F-cker…
The evil of socialization and the female gamer are not friends. Socialisation, including, but not restricted to the influence of parents, institutions and other peers do influence the development and overall behavioral orientation of majority of people and this is specifically linked to gender.

From infancy, boys and girls are treated and reacted to differently and self-concepts evolve which, whilst seeming ‘natural’ are, for the most part just a bunch of f-cked up social norms based on what’s gone before. This includes boys playing video games and girls playing dolls, why is that? For the most part it’s because all of the hierarchy of socialisation make it so and people are too obtuse to do anything else. From birth it begins, the first question someone asks when a relative has a baby is… come on .. you know it, you’ve heard it all before “Boy or girl”, the answer to this one little question will garner a specific response, as will interactions with the poor innocent bundle of flesh from day one “awww she’s a princess”, “Mate he is a f-cking cracker”.

Darwin is NOT Da Man…
There seems to be a view, held by certain writers, usually male, that the reasons women don’t play games to the extent their male counterparts do is not down to socialisation, but instead is down to some biological and evolutionary influence. Now I’m not oblivious to such ideas, I’ve read my share of Darwin and Morris, but it just doesn’t hold water with me because whilst the suggestion that naturally, women are less likely to play certain games is interesting and an easy crutch to lean on, there’s way too many other factors that these imbeciles tend to ignore, the main one being the evil previously mentioned, which has little to do with brain make-up and hormones and a lot more to do with the psyche and reactionary factors. “I want a knights suit for Christmas” says innocent little Jessica, but mummy has other ideas “Aww honey, knight suits are for boys, but I’m sure Santa will bring you a princess dress”. Mummy doesn’t realize what she’s doing, she just doesn’t want to look an ass in front of the other mummy and daddy’s when Jessica wants to wear the knight suit (including sword) to the next birthday party she’s invited to. Just like daddy doesn’t want little Jonnie playing with Barbie, it’s GI Joe or nothing else.. boys and Barbies = queer. Do yourself a favor, if you don’t believe that toys, including games, are aimed specifically at one gender or the other, open an Argos catalogue (or any home shopping catalog), look at the format, the colours used and the overall styles and the placement. This isn’t biology you’re holding in your hands, but it is the building blocks of life.

Girls Like Soaps…
This is the clanger, I once read an article that suggested women are naturally drawn to games like ‘The Sims’ because they like Soap Operas. Yes a lot of women like soaps, but a lot of women (myself included) loathe them. The only ‘soap’ I was ever truly hooked on was called ‘Tour of Duty” (Yes boys it was essentially a Soap I’m afraid)… it kicked much ass. Now, although I like to think I’m a special girl, I don’t think I’m so different to a lot of other women.

Anyway my point is simple, if everything is down to biology and differing brain systems between men and women, I’d love crap like Coronation Street and Eastenders and I’d be playing The Sims and not Call of Duty 2. I’d love to say I’m one in a million but as a lot of my female friends are the same, I just don’t think that’s the case, though it has been said by those that know and love me… I swear… ok perhaps not.

Pink VS Blue…
Design games that girls like, put rainbows and flowers in them. There, that’s the quick fix for all us feminine types, please make us happy with some pretty pinks and ooh, ooh please make a game where I can shop for shoes and clothes. Uh Hum. What the f-ck happened then? That wasn’t me speaking, that was a mind wave from some high up male CEO f-ckwit relaying his idea of how to lure in the female end of the market. But he does have a point, a very tiny one. All potential female gamers do need something to interest them initially and if they’ve been unlucky enough to fall foul of the evil of socialisation it may well be something aimed directly at her. Something us converted female gamers will no doubt loathe. The differences here can’t be ignored, but it neatly links in with my next complaint.

Advertise But Leave Me Out of it…
This is one of the reasons female gamers feel so left out, advertising continues to discount them all. It’s still counted as a male readership, so why should non-female gamers take notice? Do you male readers pay attention to the latest Nivea advert? What is it? (not including if said advert sports a leggy, mostly naked woman because that being the case it’s also aimed at you for differing reasons that we have no time to get into here I’m afraid). You switch off, who gives a sh-t, it’s not for you and you will know if an advert is for you within the first few seconds … that is how a lot of gaming adverts read, only it’s women switching off. If marketing would get off their asses and address this issue games companies would make more money… simple.

Please, please watch gaming adverts and take note at who you think they’re talking to and feel free to write to me about it because I’m yet to see one that’s talking to both me and my brother, they usually just talk to him, even he’s said that’s true. It’s lucky I’ve already made my mind up regarding my gaming purchase and don’t need advertising to give me a shove. The same can’t be said for the huge untapped market of those women not yet turned on to gaming.

Xbox 360.. . maybe it’s for me too?…
The advertising for the 360 in the states is a jump rope advert. I didn’t get it at first, I was like, ‘what the f-ck has that got to do with gaming?’. Then a little bird explained some advertising mumbo jumbo to me and I watched it again and it was quite appealing, boys and girls, playing together, come on jump in! But it lost even me the first time. Still it was good to see that the phallic styled DS adverts weren’t anywhere to be seen “Xbox 360, let your girlfriend spend her wages on shoes this month, you know where your money’s going”, yes it could have so easily been.

Solution, not just a liquid…
Is there a solution? Well a good start would be to advertise to an open audience, no matter what the title, if you’re going to have two people sitting on a couch enjoying a game you’re trying to sell, make one of them a girl and don’t f-ck it up by making her a ‘stupid girl’. Don’t have her button bashing and terrified until she dies, show her enjoying it, think porn, even if she isn’t enjoying it she’s smiling and ooohing and aahing. Developers, make female characters so that these too can be utilized in your advertising, but NOT female characters aimed at just guys!

Joanna Dark is a prime example, a recent headline I read at some moronic website said ‘See Joanna Get Out Her Bazookas’. F-ck off!!! But who can blame them when just last month she appeared in FHM with her kit off, she’s not f-cking real!!! Make her sexy if you must take that route, but also appealing to women. You know a recent poll allegedly showed more women would choose Angelina Jolie over Brad Pitt, these women aren’t dykes, they’re straight dick loving women and they adore Angelina Jolie because she kicks ass and has a heart. She’s sexy, intelligent and strong, YES, she is sexy, she’s a Hollywood actress, but it’s not just about that, she’s not brainless and she has depth.

Perfect Dark Zero is going to sell loads, mostly to guys. This was a missed opportunity because marketing for this title is purely aimed at the male market. Think of it like this, the male market already exists, why not target the female market? You do it ALL the time for the male market. Why not have a campaign that says, “girls pick up that joypad, it’s not just a dick extension, Joanna Dark is calling you and needs you to save the world!”. This is for your benefit as well as all gamers.


Timeline Catchup for Lesbian Gamers .com
Here I am again with a little update especially for Lesbian Gamers. This gamerlogue was brought forth by an article I had read by some complete wuckfit who suggested gaming is biological and that guys love gaming ‘naturally’ as women do not. His reasoning was ludicrous, and that is putting it mildly (something to do with men needing to go out and hunt, while women stayed home to care for children). The term ‘sexist dick’ sprang to mind and I thought screw it, it’s been awhile, I’ll knock out a Vagina Gamerlogue for Thumb Bandits .com (and now updated here for Lesbian Gamers).

Sadly despite this piece being written a couple of years oago, not much has changed, though as Lesbian Gamers recently covered, perhaps things are changing.

Thanks to Lesbian Gamers for once more airing the dirty washing of Miss Ann Thropic.

Hope you’ve found this article of interest, despite it now being a little aged – much like myself – but with age comes wisdom, apparently.

Miss Ann Thropic

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