Top Ten Morons Who Play Left 4 Dead on Xbox Live

With Vavle’s new(ish) title “Left 4 Dead” being an Xbox Live hit, it’s not hard to have some bad luck stories about the experiences you might have with strangers should you – foolishly – enter an open game.

Our roving reporter Xanadugrrl has traipsed the Jundland* wastes, which – as you probably know – are not to be traveled lightly and she’s come out alive with her Top Ten Morons Who Play Left 4 Dead on Xbox Live. You will find said zombie infested piece below!

*shameless Star Wars reference

Top Ten Morons Who Play Left 4 Dead on Xbox Live

1. The moron who “teabags” you while you are incapacitated or dead. Very mature. (please note teabagging is not the art of making a skillful cup of tea for the other players in the room. It is the art of… umm… oh google it – Ed.)

2. The moron guy, who finding out he is playing with a girl, starts to hit on her. Constantly. Here is a hint- She’s just not that into you.

3. The moron guy, who finding out he is playing with a lesbian, starts to hit on her. Constantly. Here is another hint- She’s REALLY just not that into you.

4. The moron girl who has never played before and constantly giggles “I’m soooo bad at this! Hee hee!” You give all girl gamers a bad name. Find some friends and practice the game before going on Xbox Live and playing with random people. Your friends are cool with you sucking- it gives everyone a good laugh and they help you get better. Random people are not cool with it, and will just mock you and be angry.

5. The moron who, while playing a Boomer, thinks hiding behind a thin pole means the Survivors won’t see him. You play a fat zombie- the skinny pole- NOT GOING TO HIDE YOU!

6. The moron who runs ahead, Rambo-style, and get themselves killed. This is a team game- you need all four of you to survive! Don’t be an ass.

7. The moron who decides to shoot his own teammates, just for “fun.” Are you four?

8. The moron who doesn’t listen to their teammates when they tell them to back up, turn around, etc. and it gets them killed. Look, most of the time, your teammates are trying to help. Yes, even the girls.

9. The moron who sits and watches their teammates get killed by a smoker or hunter. HELP THEM.

10. The moron who blames their controller, the game, what character they are playing and leprechauns before themselves for playing terrible. Face it- you suck. And most of the time, it doesn’t matter. Just laugh, admit it, and practice a little harder. And stop trying to steal the Lucky Charms.

*Morons can be either guys or girls, unless specifically stated otherwise.

Thanks to XanaduGrrl and her many hours of investigative journalism.

6 Responses to “Top Ten Morons Who Play Left 4 Dead on Xbox Live”

1. misajingles says:

   February 3, 2009 at 12:25 pm

   Come on… don’t you know that if you pump the “x” & “a” at the same time, the boomer sucks it in.
2. Smoogles says:

   February 3, 2009 at 2:48 pm

   And then there’s the completely racist … people, the completely derogatory to gender people, and arseholes who blow up things when you’re stood next to them, and the ones who set off the car alarms on purpose… such a list. Zombie apocalypse happens for real, make sure the people you’re with aren’t any of the above. if so, well you have a nice chance of improving your survival percentage by using that gun for a pre-zombie zombie, go for it with the blessings of the other survivors.
3. POLLO says:

   February 4, 2009 at 1:13 am

   lol, nice list.
4. Xanadugrrl says:

   February 4, 2009 at 8:14 am

   Oh, the list could have gone on and on and on… especially with the racist/homophobic/genderphobic/generallyphobic morons out there- I had to push myself to limit it to ten!
5. comicgirl says:

   February 6, 2009 at 9:02 pm

   haha! great list. very funny to read! ^_^
6. Mike Wright says:

   February 9, 2009 at 7:10 pm

   You forgot the worst multiplayer idiot of all: the idiot who refuses to use a microphone in a game which is ALL about teamwork. Generally and not coincidentally, this is the “Lone Wolf” type idiot who runs off to get murdered/leaves his team behind.