Well after work today I decided to try and start the process of sorting out my beloved Xbox 360 Elite and its Red Ring of Death. I decide rather than phoning MS Support (previous bad experiences tainted this for me) I will do the online service request.
See how it goes below…
We head over to Xbox.com and sign in. Then head to the support section. After some faffing and looking at various menus we find the "Xbox 360 Console" area and within that the "Troubleshooting FAQ". In here we find the question:
What do I do if I get 3 flashing red lights on my Xbox 360 console?
The question should say "What do I do if I think my Xbox 360 is frakked because it's flashing red evilness at me in a condescending manner"… but it doesn't.
We click this and it leads to a Microsoft Help and Support page (a page that really should feature the rolling eyes emoticon after the "support" bit, but doesn't). This lists symptoms and our particular symptoms suggest it "may indicate there is a hardware problem with your Xbox 360 console" (No frakkin way? Really?).
The page then goes on to detail if you're experiencing the issue there are some steps you have to take to ensure your console is truly frakked (though not in those exact words, which would – we think – be more amusing). These steps include checking the power supply to see if it is illuminating green, because if it isn't green, then maybe things aren't as bad as you might think. *Note, all this does is lead to false hope.
We dutifully check the power supply and sure enough said light was green.. but not green for "go" or "good".. green for "yes your console is frakked".
With this news we now have to send the console away for repair. We follow the "Outside the united states – Online console repair" link which takes us to a list of possible issues from how to sync your Lips microphone to the one we want which is "Three flashing red lights on the Ring of Light". Click….
Handily this takes us back to the Microsoft Help and Support page we were on previous to the list… you know what this means don't you people… we are in a loop of uselessness, but that's our stupidity since we missed the large "console repair" image to the right of the list and had assumed that because everything thus far was in a list format we should have referred once more to the list… but we don't.. we hit the image instead…. Click….
Register new device… sounds like the thing we need… Click.
Okay first up we need the Serial Number… why they don't put these things on the front of devices is beyond us… you will find your Xbox 360's serial number tucked away behind the wireless adapter (if you have one plugged into the back of your console). Fill in all other details and Click….
Apparently our warranty has run out, but a three year warranty applies for the RRoD so we click "Request New Repair". Wonderful, the information they have doesn’t match the information we put in… we edit to retry and put an old email address in. Success! Thank frak! It tells us our "request completed successfully" and we assume this means something will now happen, but we're not sure what because that's all the page says.
We imagine a guy that looks like John Hodgman will show up at our door any moment and snatch away the offending hardware. Or, perhaps someone from a foreign country will phone and tell us to unplug everything, reconnect everything and turn it on, because they know secretly despite the fact we've been game reviewers for around 8 years and have been gamers for around three decades we might be dopey women who are confused and might not realize it is actually working.
Time will tell……
Stay tuned for the next exciting installment!