20 Reasons Why Playing the Zelda Games is Like Going on a Pub Crawl – When Zelda and Alcohol Collide – Article

Gaming news is a little thin on the ground with excitement today, so we thought we’d bring you another exclusive fun filled video gaming article. This time we’re looking at the “20 Reasons Why Playing the Zelda Games is Like a Pub Crawl”. Never made that connection? Well maybe you just haven’t thought about it in the right manner. Join our guest writer Elizabeth as she examines this very hypothesis and poses her 20 reasons.

Ever played any of the Zelda games?
Ever been drunk?
Then keep reading, this article is for you!

1: Waking up in a forest, surrounded by woodland creatures, not knowing exactly how you got there!

2: Embarking on a quest that is clearly of mammoth proportions and thinking you can do it anyway!

3: Going to Lon Lon ranch, drinking their ‘milk’ which makes you feel invincible. So not only do you play a game with their chickens, you then challenge them to a horse race, on you winning they renege because you are far too intoxicated to be riding (don’t drink and ride!) so you steal the horse anyway! Who HASN’T been in this situation while drunk??

4: Take a shine to the cute girl in the castle/bar just for you to find out that she’s your sister! (it didn’t work out for Luke Skywalker either!)

5: Collecting hearts along the way because you know that in a few drinks time yours will probably stop. It’s good to have reserve hearts while drinking heavily!!

6: You can hear what people are saying to you yet you have absolutely no idea what they mean, yet agree with whatever it is and go with them anyway!

7: Jump on your trusty steed and go belting (hooning) around Hyrule field at 1am in search of poes and other related things that no one can see but you!

8: NEVER go to the toilet! Because you know once you break the seal you will be going all night, and this tunic is a bitch to maneuver while impaired, Hmmmm…… I’m sure this isn’t the tunic I left the house in.

9: Your country is in turmoil after the baddies take control and what do you do in the midst of this crisis?? You go fishing! Yeah, that’s right, fishing!! Tell me that alcohol is not a factor here.

10: Pop into the temple of time – aka your local public house / pub – depending on where you live and voila! Even the most normal of men become little boys!!

11: Seeing a shiny rupee or piece of heart and to get to it, you choose a flying chicken or giant lilypad as your preferred modes of transportation.

12: While in Dodongos tavern, I mean cavern, one of your mates won’t stop rolling around on the floor! You know it’s all up to you to stop him so the easiest way to do this is to detonate a bomb in front of him. This shows him how much you care. I reeeeaaaly reeeeaaaly love yoooouuuu mate!

13: After finding just the right mask to wear, you decide to bust a move with the hot twins, much to the amusement of the gathering crowd.

14: You make friends with a not so attractive little guy, but you like him because he can blow nuts out of his nose (no not THOSE nuts, that’s a whole other bar).

15: No matter what crisis you are in it’s always a great idea to rip out your ocarina and play some toe tappin tunes.

16: Poke around in a dirt patch because you swear you saw a golden spider in there. “Honest pal *hic* there is a golden spider in here somewhere *hic*”

17: In the forest or your local town you follow the sounds of the sweet sweet music to lead you to where you want to go, all the pathways look the same, but you get there eventually so it’s all good!!

18: You find the silver scale that makes you think you will be able to breathe underwater for extended periods of time. Note drinking copious amounts of liquid doesn’t mean you can breath underwater either bozo!

19: You look in your coin bag and it’s empty!! You were so sure it had enough rupees in it when you left home, then again at $8 a can it’s not going to last long is it now? Shame on you ‘insert overpriced local nightclub / pub here’.

And last but not least, my personal favorite!!

20: After swimming through an underground canal you are a rock star with a guitar made outta fish bones!! You’re up on the stage giving it your all, your fans love you!! (we love you Link!!) when in reality you are wet because you fell into the toilet before making your way to the stage attempting to take the microphone off the lead singer to give the crowd below a stirring rendition of ‘Born to Be Wild’.

Whilst the crowd do love you, they are chanting “jump jump jump”. As security try to remove you from the stage, you take that leap of faith in the hope that the crowd below will catch you and crowd-surf you off into the sunset like a beautiful ballet.

What you didn’t consider however is now that you are nearly 40 you weigh a good 30 kilos more than you did 20 years ago, the result of the stage dive in today’s anorexic climate is widespread injuries and mayhem, but its ok because you will be stretchered out of there, arms in the air yelling ‘”woooooo hooooooo I’m a rock god!” and not feeling a thing! Until the next morning that is!

Thanks to guest writer Elizabeth for another quirk filled article.
If you liked this and missed her “eBay /Animal Crossing crossover” be sure and check that one out in our articles section too… now.. where’s that tankard of mead….

2 Responses to “20 Reasons Why Playing the Zelda Games is Like Going on a Pub Crawl – When Zelda and Alcohol Collide – Article”

1. Thefremen says:

   January 7, 2009 at 8:43 am

   Funny stuff. I lol’d, would lol again.
2. Bri says:

   January 7, 2009 at 1:57 pm

   Some great ones in there, I liked 2, 6 and the last one the best.